I Have A Confession

Dear Reader,

I hope you’re fairing well. There’s something I should tell you.

Lately…I’ve been feeling like I’m failing - at everything. It’s weird cause I wrote Farabale and I know all the right things to say in situations like these:

You’re not a failure,

You’re doing the best you can,

You’ve done so much, look how far you’ve come, etc. 

I know all the words. Still, the feeling of failure is there, suffocating, like an unwelcome guest that refuses to leave. Our current society is designed to thrive on instant gratification so it can be somewhat frustrating when there’s no immediate WIN for your efforts.

I compared my goals for Q1 with my reality and found that I’ve fallen short in certain areas and it’s been quite the downer. It’s also harder to have these conversations with people close to me cause I seem to be doing pretty solid. Still. I guess I’m just sharing this to acknowledge how I’ve been feeling, instead of trying to sell you some aspire to maguire BS.

image is completely unrelated to content and solely placed for amusement.

It’s this feeling of failure, along with other factors that drove me to take a complete social media detox. I realised that I do not need to have a front-row view of other people’s lives right now. I do not need to know whose boyfriend likes suyaburger or when someone on Twitter is fighting with their landlord. There’s so much we internalize from social media: joys, pains, disagreements, success etc and it can be very overwhelming/disorienting. It’s been less than 24 hours since I began my detox and the only way I can describe how it feels is: quiet. Everything is so quiet. It’s like being in Lagos traffic with all the different noises: car horns, voices, music and then everything suddenly becomes muted. Fascinating. 

In retrospect, I’ve also found myself on uncharted paths and achieved things I didn’t even anticipate at the start of the year, so that’s been exciting. During my detox, I look forward to reading a few books (At my current pace, I fear I won’t achieve my book reading goal for the year) and doing a lot more writing, particularly fiction. I’m also going to keep betting on myself, putting in the work and trying to muffle the voices in my head as much as possible.

Away from my musings, I read pretty interesting stuff this week, so let’s unpack them: 

1. Grieving His Mother's Death, Ocean Vuong Learned to Write for Himself. This interview actually made me cry.

2. Hayley Campbell writes about why we should all talk about death and become more open to this inevitable phenomenon. 

3. This article cracked me up. The Grattagliano character reminds me of that petulant child at a party who keeps knocking drinks off tables, running around, disturbing and bullying other kids, throwing things at people etc until an exasperated adult gives him a huge knock on the head that makes him become quiet and gentle. The only problem is there’s no adult big enough to knock Grattagliano’s head.

4. I wrote about Asa’s latest album, V and my contemplations about her evolution led me to contemplate my own evolution too.

5. Fiction: I’m a sucker for well-told stories. I liked this one so much, I read it twice.

6. Poetry: Igbo-Yoruba Woman by Olúwátamilóre Osho. If you know what’s it’s like to be and not really be at the same time, then you would love this poem.

7. A cute little love story to warm your heart.

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Introducing: Writing Prompt 

Last week, I included a little exercise and actually got responses from some of you! It made me excited so I’ve decided to experiment with this new section in my letters. If it goes well, I would make it a recurring theme in future letters.

How does it work?

Basically, I would include writing prompts that you may develop into your own stories. You may publish your submissions on your Medium account (no word limit for this option) or through this link (200 words max if you’re using this option). I would collate all entries and publish them in a separate newsletter by the end of the month. You may start your stories with the prompt or include them in the middle of the story. It doesn’t matter! Go wild with your imagination!

The prompt for this week is:

‘The women have gathered to discuss the serious matter of Agnes and Johnbull…’

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What this newsletter is listening to watching:

Outlander: It has romance, history and a strong female lead. What’s not to like? 

Twenty-five, Twenty-One: This coming of age story with friendship at its centre. The characters are simple yet complex, inspiring yet frustrating. Thoroughly enjoyed this show.

*Both shows can be found on Netflix.

That’s it for this week.

With love, 

Titi.