Dear reader, I hope this finds you well.
This week, I’m contemplating on reinventing oneself and identity.
reinvent
/riːɪnˈvɛnt/
verb
1. change (something) so much that it appears to be entirely new.
2. take up a radically new job or way of life.
Adekunle Gold is one of my favourite artists. And it’s not just because of his music (although the music is brilliant). What I admire most about him is his ability to twist and turn and shed as many layers as needed until he’s happy with the results. From Orente to High, the evolution is palpable. And not only that has changed. His style (from adire boy to Alte trendsetter) , his charisma, his performances.
I think we can be many things in one lifetime. I also think we can stop being many things in one lifetime. In one of the articles I listed for this week, there’s a fashion designer who’s moved to the UK and is getting a degree in Management.
One of my favorite past times is reading biographies of people I admire or going through their Linkedin profile.
I become even more excited when I see things like: B.Sc. Engineering (2002-2007)and then go on to see Creative Director, Molara Studio (2015- Present)
I look at examples of people who have chosen new paths even when age or money or society was against it and I am truly in awe of their bravery; my mum establishing a school in her late forties after a decade long career in banking.
It takes a lot of courage to strip yourself of a label and decide to be another thing. With reinvention comes consequences and you must be ready to live with them.
You will get push back not just from yourself, but from those who have known you and loved you.
‘Wow, you got a tattoo? This is not the Ade I know.
What’s happening? Who’s putting these new ideas into your head?’
You must be ready for the pushback. As humans, we’re cognitively lazy. We recognize that change is inevitable but we also want people to stay in the neat little boxes we have created for them: Rose- friendly girl that sells clothes.
Femi: NFA that’s always lying.
If Femi suddenly reinvents himself as honest and successful, we push back.
I guess something many people don’t say about shapeshifting and reinventing yourself is that you lose people as you go along. You’ve stopped being a smoker and now you lose all your smoker friends cause you turn down opportunities to hangout with them.
But your smoker friends were there for you when you were sick or lost money or had a broken heart. Walking away hurts.
The bright side is that stripping yourself of an identity and accepting a new one also opens the door to a new community.
When I did something like this in 2019, I felt alone, scared and lost most of the friendships I had nursed for three years. Yet, I stood firm in my decision and found a community that accepted my new identity.
You cannot afford to live life too scared to do the things you want to do : because you fear rejection or how much time you’ve invested on a certain path.
‘Do it for as long as it makes you happy. And if you don’t like it anymore, build again.’
There was a Titi who couldn’t go a day without drinking soda. The Titi of today drinks tea without milk or sugar while listening to Jhene Aiko. Titi, ten years from now will probably only drink coffee (actually, that’s highly unlikely).
I have been many things. I am going to be many more things too. Just like I’ve not met all the people who will love me, I also remind myself that I’ve not embodied all my identities yet.
There are some identities I want to run away from, to hide, to scream: wtf was I thinking? why was I living my life like that? But I’m learning that those paths I took led me to this current path. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. No mistakes or regrets, just lessons.
I’m on the cusp of another transition or shape shifting: I’ve been more introverted than usual, I’m questioning the things I spend my time or energy on, and even certain relationships.
I’m actively trying to break certain patterns in my behaviour and refusing to stay that way. I’m trying new things and forming my opinions on them. I’m pushing myself towards directions I would have hitherto, ran from.
‘Because what is society anyway? It’s an anthology of someones. We make it up. We make it up.’ - Eloghosa Osunde
I can’t wait to see what I create when the dust settles.
It’s one life and I’ve resolved to do it on my own terms. I hope you do too.
Here’s some cool stuff I read lately:
Almost all the popping babes in Nigeria own an Alexis dress by Melodia (of course I own one too). It’s creator talks about leaving her fashion house and relocating to the UK.
A new boss is in town, a lot is happening on and in Twitter. If you spend (too much) time on Twitter like me, then this should interest you.
If you’ve been following this letter for a while now, then you’ll know how much I admire Eloghosa Osunde. Her words capture my thoughts on identity, redefinition and reinvention in a way I never could.
A helpful letter to help you get over your ex (good luck).
This story is about the fragmented relationship between a mother and her daughter. I hope they find a middle ground.
What this newsletter is watching:
Watching: Friends - only God knows how many times I’ve watched this show. What can I say? I like what I like.
Woman King: I fully went to the cinema prepared to be a hater. I came out teary-eyed.
Reading: All The Bright Places. I’m about 50 pages away from finishing this book. But I made the mistake of googling how it ends, now I can’t go on anymore.
Listening to: Blaq Bonez (such a fire album) and Rema.
That’s it for this newsletter. Thank you for reading.
With love,
Titi.
I really enjoyed reading this Titi. You're such a great writer. And on reinventing oneself, I totally agree with what you said.
I also have a question, pls how do you link articles on your posts??
Also keep telling us what you're reading!!!🤗🤗 I always enjoy the articles you link to your posts.
This reader has read All the Bright places too and I cried for Theodore Finch.
Have a good week Titi. Please keep writing.
P.S- What's your Twitter handle?
i always enjoy your newsletters. thank you for this ❤️